he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
