Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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