You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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