People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
