You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
