i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
