almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When are your genitals available?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
