Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
