Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
