Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
