I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
