do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
