I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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