i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
