Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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