I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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