and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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