my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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