i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
