Don't make out with my wife yet
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
