my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
