I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
