How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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