how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
