it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
