you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
