we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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