The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
