I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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