i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
