I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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