When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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