I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
