He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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