I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
