i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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