i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
