Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
