Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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