You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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