Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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