DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
