If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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