i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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