Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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