the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
