Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
