I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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