A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize