Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
