Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
