apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
