dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
