Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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