This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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