that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
