You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize