Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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