a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
