I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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