I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
