Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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