I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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