Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
